One day a fellow told me

Life’s a Bitch and then you die

And I knew right then and there

It was my quest to find out why

 

I used to sit and wonder

Why my mother had given birth

To just an average guy

With no purpose on this earth

 

And then one day it hit me

As I was standing there

The guy upstairs must love me

More than I can bear

 

He gave me a special talent

A skill that was so great

Lest only a few did have it

The ability to SKATE

 

So to the streets I went

With his presence feeling near

And many tricks did I perform

I skated with no fear

 

In no time I had mastered

Every trick upon the streets

And people came to watch

My death-defying feats

 

A half pipe stood before me

A quarter pipe to my right

I simply closed my eyes

And let HIM control my flight

 

The people watched in awe

As I topped of my last trick

And hand plant on the half pipe

With a triple-twisting kick

 

A pool was next upon my list

Of things that I must rule

With god as my co-pilot

And my skateboard as my tool

 

A slider in the six foot

A three-sixty in the eight

A massive crowd had gathered

To watch me ride my skate

 

The crowd began to shout

As I wailed upon a wall

Never once did I consider

Any moment I could fall

 

Quite soon the people realized

There was nothing I had not tamed

They knew that I was different

And MASTERSKATER I was named

 

Then a fellow did approach

And said “What have we here?”

“Why have all these people come?”

“To watch a skating Queer?”

 

Up to me he did walk

And said “I am the best!”

“Go get your skate” I did say

“I’ll lay your doubts to rest”

 

And with that statement he looked at me

And much to my surprise

There seemed to be a reddish glow

Deep within his eyes

 

The crowd and I did follow

The fellow decked in black and red

“Most people call me Luther”

He turned to me and said

 

Finally he just stopped

Where we were I did not know

The crowd just watched me stand there

Sizing up my foe

 

And there it stood before me

Such an awesome sight

A Half Pipe that was Unparalleled

Over a Hundred feet in height

 

Luther reached within his vest

And with drew his pride and joy

A high-tech detailed skateboard

Made of some unknown alloy

 

Then he stepped upon the ramp

And said “I’ll start this fight!”

And to the top he went

He held his skateboard tight

 

Down the ramp he came

A spin, a turn, a flip

His skate remained intact

As if treated with PolyGrip

 

Back up the ramp he went

And launched into the air

Defying laws of Gravity

He didn’t seem to care

 

Spinning wildly in the air

His back about to snap

He flashed the finger to the crowd

And prepared to finish his attack

 

He floated like a feather

From the air down to the ground

Then bowed to the massive crowd

To show he was safe and sound

 

The crowd began applauding

Luther’s awesome skating show

He then offered me the stage

For it was my time to go

 

So to the Pipe I went

With my bitchin’ board

Massive air I achieved

Into the air I soared

 

And to this day I don’t recall

Beginning my decent

Higher and higher I did go

Into the clouds I went

 

I realized I was floating

Like a balloon into the sky

Until a giant gate I saw

Guarded by some guy

 

Up to the man I walked

His face I thought I knew

I said “I’m MASTERSKATER”

“Who the fuck are you?”

 

St. Peter then apologized

And opened up the gate

He said it was my purpose here

To teach Heaven how to skate

 

I asked St. Peter if he had heard

About the contest down on the planet

He offered me a challenge

To find a soul that hadn’t

 

And then I asked St. Peter

Who had won the test of skill

He said it was a draw

For both of us were killed

 

It seemed that I was wrong

And I finally did come down

But landed upon poor Luther

And drove him deep within the ground

 

But St. Peter reassured me

And said it was O.K.

“Luther broke a promise”

“And in the ground he is to stay”

 

Then he took me to HIM

The BIG MAN in the chair

As I got a little closer

I saw he had no hair

 

He wasn’t what I had pictured

Or the God I thought I knew

Wearing Vans and a flannel shirt

He was a skater too!

 

I kneeled down right before him.

“Father” I then said

“Don’t call me that you dipshit!”

“My friends all call me Skinhead!”

 

Then he reached behind his throne

And withdrew his Holy Skate

“The time has finally come” he said

“No longer can I wait”

 

Now every day we skate together

Always side by side

With all of Heaven behind us

Upon the clouds we ride

 

But sometimes we look down

And see the world and all it’s hate

“The world would be a better place” he says

“If everyone would skate”

MORE SKATE - LESS HATE

© 1987 - Chickenwarrior